


compass point you home

by yourlocalai



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Gwaine Knows, Introspection, M/M, Not as angsty as it sounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 12:20:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17425784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourlocalai/pseuds/yourlocalai
Summary: Sometimes Merlin tells him about the things that call to him, the fairy lights dancing between the leaves and the smell of magic on the wind.Gwaine lives in fear of the day he'll wake to find Merlin vanished, gone to a place he could never hope to find.





	compass point you home

Gwaine finds Merlin sitting streamside, bare feet stirring the mud along the bank. He’s always been drawn to water, sniffing out peaceful riverbeds and enchanting grottoes every time they venture out. _Gut instinct_ he calls it, even if they both know better.

They’re far enough from camp that the crackle of the fire and the others’ gentle conversation have faded away, the last light of sunset striking off the slick rocks along the shore. It’s secluded here, and he feels like an intruder.

“Going for a swim?” Merlin calls without looking over his shoulder. Gwaine leaves the shelter of the trees and steps towards him.

“Only if you’ll join me,” he says, even as he knows what the reply will be. Merlin never undresses where someone other than Gwaine could see him.

Toeing out of his boots, Gwaine settles behind Merlin on the suddenly dry rocks, molding his chest to Merlin’s back and kicking his legs out to either side. The water is shockingly cold against his toes, but Merlin is warm in his arms and he burrows closer, the small hairs at the nape of Merlin’s neck tickling his nose. He can see the edges of a smile tugging at the skin of Merlin’s cheeks. It reassures him. He’s never sure of his welcome when Merlin sneaks off to be alone.

Merlin hasn’t taken his eyes off whatever he’s staring at in the trees on the opposite bank. Gwaine doesn’t bother looking. If there’s anything there to see he won’t be the one to see it. Sometimes Merlin tells him about the things that call to him, the fairy lights dancing between the leaves and the smell of magic on the wind. More often he says nothing, sad and wistful as he looks out at the things only he can see.

It’s been happening more often too, and not just in the woods when he’s closest to temptation. There are days where he finds Merlin gazing out the windows or pacing along the battlements, turned always towards the wilderness just beyond the city’s borders. No amount of comfort or gentle coaxing can get him to eat or sleep when he’s like that, and Gwaine lives in fear of the day he’ll wake to find Merlin vanished, gone to a place he could never hope to find.

“What are you thinking about?” Merlin asks, and Gwaine realizes he’s tightened his grip around Merlin’s waist.

“You,” he says, both because it is true and because it is the kind of thing that always makes Merlin blush. Sure enough, he can see a flush forming at the tips of his ears. Merlin slaps his leg.

“None of that,” he says, a smile in his voice. “We should go back soon.” True, but Merlin leans back into his chest as he says it. Gwaine is much more comfortable here anyway.

Things would be so much easier if he could convince Merlin to leave with him. Camelot is no longer a happy place for him. It was never a safe place, but it hurts to see him so beaten down by a destiny he never asked for, a destiny Gwaine can do nothing to help with. They could live somewhere close by, away from the prying eyes of those that would see him executed but still close enough to be on hand if he’s needed. Nothing but wishful thinking, at the end of the day. Merlin will never leave Camelot, not by choice.

Merlin tips his head back against Gwaine’s shoulder, pressing kisses along the underside of his jaw. “I love you,” he says, and not for the first time Gwaine wonders if he can hear his thoughts. He doesn’t really mind if it’s true.

He leans forward and kisses Merlin properly, his pleased little hums sending tingles along his lips. The burdens Merlin carries might be bigger than Gwaine can shoulder, but he’ll do his best to make him smile anyway.

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


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